Disclaimer: This is a blog intended for the inhabitants of the internet who are proficient in the art of carpetbagging (or my journals for English class). If you are viewing this but are not well-versed in the bagging of carpet, and have come to this page with hopes of learning how to do so accordingly, then you have made a grave mistake. This is no place for you.
As-Salaamu 'Alaykum. I am Alexander Nethercot aka Salamander Necropot aka Namaste Jones aka Martin Burger King Jr. aka Slumball Chinchillionaire aka Flex Luthor aka Pandora's Jock aka Steve Harvey Oswald aka The Boisterous Bottom aka Gawky Spice. The penultimate is less of a pseudonym and more of a typed testament that I have debonair buns that could send one into cardiac arrest; a dapper derriere, one might say. However, elaboration on that subject no doubt clarifies why I'm also Gawky Spice*. (Though, while touching on the topic, it is imperative to include that by reading this statement you agree that if you find yourself feeling inclined to possess a proper posterior that you are not presently blessed with hardened abdomen or that you will not search for such a stern stomach as you embark on the pious quest of the royal rump. History has shown us time and time again that abs'n'glute power corrupts [ab-so-lutely] so as a magistrate of the moon I am expected to swiftly stave off those who wish to defy the codes set in place by our Initiators.) On a digressive departure, my chinchilldren currently find contentment in crawling and cramming themselves into any and all of the compact crevices that are accessible. It seems so painful and has become quite uncomfortable to watch. Perhaps this is their penance for plaguing my sleep with the incessant clamor of their wheels.. if such is the case then I must squash any furthering of this odious act. My guilt due to their guilt outweighs their initial culpability, make certain of that. It pains me to type this but I'm afraid this is detrimental to all parties involved and we should disband as a unit. Alright. Now, without that grief weighing heavy on my shoulders, I will be selling*^ my chinchillas for the discount price of $53 (OBO). That's correct. That is a 1000% off markdown steal of a deal; you would be foolish to not take advantage of such an offer. Jesus died for these savings, don't let it be in vain.
*honorary spice girl since '09
*^all transactions made without bitcoin as payment are final, null, finull, fine ole fire knoll, and shall receive neither pets nor refund
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